Not all silences have to be awkward

Oh this one will be fun. To write, at least, maybe not to read.

But apparently my tweets and posts have been so completely cryptic that my best friends can't figure them out. Which is great. I love dropping hints, but not saying anything outright until I figure out what is going on. But to K, I say, I promise, I will fill you in on Saturday. And to D, well, you were way off, and eventually, as I said when I figure it out, you will know what I meant. But not yet.

So to continue with my commentary on my drunken life...

In the past 8 nights, I have only not had a drink on two of them. Let's see, the last blog seemingly ended on the recap of Wednesday so... Thursday, I think, it was either Thursday or Friday that I just stayed at home with J, went to Welch Ave Station with D, B, K, and K. Ended up chatting with I, then KC stopped in before heading out of state for the summer. Was made to try a Zombie, lots of rum, not much else. Saturday, T, K2 and S came over, then W and C came, we played drinking games, they spent the night.

About C. I really don't know what to think. I've really waffled about whether I wanted to meet her or not. But I kinda had no choice. It was fine. We got along, which was a little different from the random dreams I've had where I've called her really-not-so-flattering terms, it was fun, W got "a little drunk," and we had fun. Best friends anytime soon? I think not. But able to co-exist within the same room without having the space-time continuum explode? Yes, that is possible.

T is teaching me guitar... well, letting me play his prized electric guitar at least. I wanna be able to bust out some Bo Burnham songs pretty soon. Nothing fancy. Just some chords. Baked cakes, went to S and C's to hang a bit, then to WAS. THREE TIMES that night. I got waved in twice. I think this is a new record. I've only been back for a week and I'm already getting waved in by the new ID takers, awesome!!!

Birthday party Monday. Chill, get burned by the sun a little. Tuesday, got stuck at Buchanan for a few hours because of the rain before I just said screw it and walked home. You know the intersection just outside of Element? Yeah, knee deep. I could have swum home and been less soaked.

I don't really know what to say. The days are kind of blending together. Which is nice, but really disconcerting at the same time. When I was at school, I'd know the specific date and day, and I knew what I would be doing. Now, I couldn't tell the date without a computer or calendar. Ok, it's the 27th. Good, Now I know.

Also, I want it to be sunny again. I want to go swimming and tanning and it's just been cold and rainy and not conducive to either. I tan really, really well, and I haven't had time or the incentive to tan in so long. I think I just want to prove I still can. I like being pale, but I'm ready for a change.

I've noticed a phenomenon lately, and I'm trying not to become a part of it. Really trying. How people fall back into things they said they wouldn't, or start things they said they would never do. This seems so weak to me. Come on, if you make a decision, you have to stick with it, not just go for the instant gratification. If you say no to someone, you should really take time, not just wait for them to give you puppy dog eyes. Wait for them to grow up, not just until they realize they want to get laid again.

Teehee, more crypticness. Nothing more of meaning to say.

Ames, sweet, home

I've been working toward this post for a very long time, and I don't know exactly how to begin.

I'm back in Ames, and I could *not* be happier. So far I've seen nearly everyone I've wanted to, and I'm sure the others are soon to come.
But I'll start at the beginning.

The drive from Boston was long, but good. I needed something completely mindless to help get over the past month of law school studies. I drove all the way through New York and from Cleveland all the way home to Calamus.
Got some unpacking and repacking done at home. Haircut, etc. Then got out to Ames on Tuesday. Got everything moved in in about 2 hours and everything organized and put away by the next day. Win

Tuesday night was great. Went out with the 2 Ks for dinner and beer and crepes (or creeps, as we eventually referred to them as) and talked and had a great time. After that, met up with M and some friends and headed to Welch Ave Station.

Next day, went to the beach with M, J and S, so twice, yeah, but so fun. I might have gotten a bit burnt, but so worth it to relax on the beach like that. I can't wait til the water is warm enough to go swimming in.

Went to visit D in Buchanan. Planned the night at Olde Main. They said there would be random people there, but none of that could have prepared me for that.
Got there, was part of a beer down before a group of about 15 or more showed up with D. I was overwhelmed for a bit, but then settled in and had a rock-awesome night. Great beer, new friends... I won't say much here, because that might give something away. But I had a great talk with I, he had some good things to say, even though I already had my suspicions. And if you think this is about you, it likely is, but ah, until you tell my anything at all, I'm gonna go of what other people say, because it's all I'm getting at this point.

I also have some ass-kicking to do. It's going to be awesome.

So I met some great new people, and I think it's going to be a great summer so far. People have said they miss me, which is great. And ya know, things could get interesting too, which I'm looking forward to.

That's that, with regards to Ames so far. Very boring, but a bit of an update at least. The following is just a rant.

So I saw this bumper sticker. It said, "When 2006 is grown and gone, 2007 will party on and 2008 will think they're cool but 2009 will always rule." I beg to fucking differ. These kids... are just kids. I know I really shouldn't be talking, but I feel that as a proud 2004 HS grad, that these kids have no idea what they're in for. We've paved the way, we've rocked it out, and we're going to make hell for them. Break a few hearts, face a few hard times, see your friends fall and rise, go balls to the wall and not see your results, love and lose, have fun and rise above it all... then we'll talk.
Kids.
Yes, I know I'm friends with some of these kids, and I wouldn't trade some of them for the life of me, but some need to grow up. Open up. Man up. Etc. You get my vibe.

More later, I'm feeling lame now.

WOOOOHHOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

That was playing over and over and over on the Wednesday before the final!!!

Now the last final is over and I can forget about the tests for about 3 entire weeks.
I suppose I forgot to mention some of the things about the contracts exam. Now that I remember them, at least.
I did, in fact, use "My internal thesaurus is broken," on the test. I fixed it later, but the quote remained.

But now. I'm done. For 3 months.
I'm still in shock and I'll admit, still quite drunk from the afternoon at Sidebar with the rest of the gang. I'm a little bit more of a lightweight than I came into law school as. I had 1, 3 beers, plus one plus two modifications of the specials.... 6-ish drinks and I'm quite gone. I'll remember all of it, and it was great to talk drunkenly and, well, some interesting things with the other drunken guys at the bar, but I'm ready to get back home. Everybody is so encouraging and excited for everybody, whether they want to transfer or not.

(I had a very ranting paragraph right here, but since I've done some investigating, I'll leave it out til I have more proof of possible... whatever they may have done. Wanna see it? Tell me, I'll send it to you. It's very cryptic, you won't get much out of it, I'm telling you. It was just one of my signature rants.)

So yeah. A kind of short post. Once I find my camera cord, I'll post pictures on fb. And if you're not friends on fb, you really probably shouldn't be reading this, so fuck off.

1L YEAR IS DONE!!!!!

Unfortunately Lawrence v Texas made what the school is doing to us legal

I wish I weren't so tweaked out on school and caffeine. I can have coffee every once in a while, but I get all twitchy. I kinda want some now though, now that you mention it... hm... starbucks....

So Contracts was today.
Yup.
I think I did ok on the essay. But on the multiple choice... I could have shit on my test and maybe gotten more right. I hadn't even heard of one of the words on there. Ridiculous. So yeah. I'm completely exhausted right now, but I need to do laundry and finish packing. I really can't wait to go, but I still have crim between me and freedom.

Don't look at me like that. Haven't you ever seen a chick do pilates in a library before? Yep, I've taken to doing stretches and random ab mini-workouts for study breaks. Gets the blood flowing well. I really don't care if I'm "that friend." You would lie on the floor and do stretches too if you were in the same position with nowhere to go for weeks on end, with no weekend breaks...

And it occurs to me that while I don't think I've changed, I've gone through a lot of ups and downs in the last 9 months. Well, I'm not sure ups and downs is the right term, but something like, becoming unsure of myself, designing my life around what other people were doing or thinking in relation to mine... I have notes on my finals study material from contracts last semester that reminds me of what a silly girl I was being back then. But the bitch is back, and I'm taking no shit. I don't care if I'm "that friend," the one who goes a half-hour out of her way just to get free beer, the one who will put the guys in their place, especially when they deserve it, the one who will lie on the library floor and do pilates, the one who will flip from classic rock to Bo Burnham in the same 15-minute time period, the one who will shoot a gun and show up all the guys, and the one who would rather talk shit with guys than drama it up with chicks (although it does seem to find me).

On a similar tone, there are so many inanimate things I would rather marry instead of a guy right now. Like, Pandora. My Caramel Latte. A piano. Monty. Don't judge.

I did a *ton* of packing on Friday night. I'm so proud of myself. Lots of vacuuming, lots of labeling, but I think I'm getting everything in the right place for this summer. Very stoked. But how everything is going to fit in the van is another question. I suppose once the shelf is taken down, it'll look a bit like less, but until then, my stomach does flops.

Oh, and apparently my body is anticipating the change that is about to come. Usually, after a big-ish change, I won't eat much for about a week. Like, moving back to school school sophomore year, moving to Buchanan, moving to Boston last fall AND coming back after Christmas break. Anytime I'm uncertain about anything. But I'm going into that mode *now*, as opposed to after I move. Very odd. I mean, I'm excited, I know I'll have friends there, but there are still things I'm worrying about. I mean, I'm at peace with the whole flaming disaster that was Spring Break, but I'm still anxious to see how the dynamic is. I don't know where I'm working yet, and I'm not sure which place I would prefer at the moment. I don't know how I"m doing on finals and whether I'll be able to stay in Iowa, as I'd like. I'll be losing my best friend and I *really* won't know when I'll see him again this time around.

I would like to revisit a procrastination "website" I probably talked about during finals last semester, but this time there's new material. The Angry Video Game Nerd. Still hilarious.

"If I were walking walking through the mall and I saw giant bouncing donuts and killer marshmallows, walking shoes and spring-jumping shoes, moon-walking shoes, paperbags with legs, paperbags with scary-fucking heads and killer towels, I think I'd shit my pants."

Random thoughts:

Apparently I can pull off pale. Who knew. I was always the one who could tan well without even trying. Now I find out that I *really* don't need to try. Wow. Go me.

Oh HEEELLLL no. They just gave an honorary degree to someone who can barely speak English!

You know, you can always tell it's been a long day when you go back to the house, whip off your pants and chug water.

The Final Week Starts

So I've decided to post after each exam. A rather arbitrary assignment of a task, but still, a set time.

This morning was property. And I gotta say, if there ever was a pleasant mind-rape, that was it. I have no idea how I did, but I finished with plenty of time, I don't feel anxious like I do about con law or Civ Pro, and I can honestly just leave this one in the past. No lying awake until 2:30 wondering how many points will be taken off for missing that issue.... not fun. But even with all that, I still feel like cuddling with my Federal Rules book. It might *actually* be the first long term relationship I've had in a while. I'm kinda hard to tie down, have you noticed? And I know, maybe not in terms of geography, but yeah, in the other sense. Grrrrr.... I don't know where I'm going with this so I'm just going to continue with my story.

So as we were walking to lunch I was a complete dork and was like, "In exactly 168 hours we will be done with finals!" Yeah, Dr. Waggoner from Soc made me appreciate the length of a week. Well, maybe not appreciate, I procrastinated back then too, I was writing frantically late into the night before that 401 paper was due. But at least I know how long a week is!...

So yeah. In my studies, I came across this paragraph I found amusing while I was reading back when it was assigned. Background is that apparently a guy was doing a title search on a piece of property, and the guy who was buying wanted the search to go further. Yeah, the lawyer was a dork and kind of a douche, but I want to be them:

Gentlemen:
I am in receipt of your letter of the fifth of this month inquiring as to the state of the title prior to the year 1803
Please be advised that in the year 1803 the United States of America acquired the Territory of Louisiana from the Republic of France by purchase. The Republic of France previously acquired title from the Spanish Crown by conquest. Spain acquired title by virtue of the discoveries of one Christopher Columbus, a Genoese sailor who had been duly authorized to embark upon his voyage by Isabella, Queen of Spain. Before granting such authority, Isabella, a pious and cautious woman, obtained the sanction of His Holiness, the Pope. The Pope is the Vicar on earth of Jesus Christ, the only son and heir apparent of God. God made Louisiana.

My next final is on Monday. Contracts. The first final that isn't open note or some sort of open book.
I don't have a lot to say this time. So yeah. Uhm... Less than 2 weeks til Ames?

*sigh* Some boys are just pretty to look at...

But finals leaves no time for that.
Eeebadeepaadeepbeeed. Ever feel like this? I just got out of my Civ Pro final. And I feel like I've been run over by a 747. Without the landing gear, and with spikes. I'm so physically exhausted and tired, and I did NOT have a monstrous headache when I went in, and *now*? Well, I've taken enough various painkillers to kill a smalll village, but hopefully it won't kill *me*.

But, guess what. I only have one more Sunday in Boston!!! Yet the end of finals seems like forEVER from now. But we're gonna go with optimistic.

More things I've learned in law school:

Come finals, many things are given up. A social life, for example. Sleep and hydration, however, somehow become vitally important.
Sometimes an exasperated sigh can say more than words ever could.
Just when you need to the most, you cannot for your own life read your own handwriting. (although, in my own defense, I know what reconnoitering means, I really don't use it in everyday conversation)
Finals, while for studying, has kind of made my entire life flash before my eyes. Who matters, who doesn't, and why things happen. How existential of me. (I swear I'm not emo, I just play one on TV sometimes.)
Everything from first semester (that's not used this semester) is GONE. I saw the words, respondeat superior and had *no idea* what they meant and thought I had a whole concept I had forgotten in Civ Pro and would have to learn again from the beginning before the test tomorrow. *headdesk*

Ugh! Right in the baby-maker. The school has the turnstyles you have to card in each time you go in the library, and every once in a while I move forward before it registers my card. It hurts. That is all.

And the title of this one? Actually true. There are just a couple guys in our class that are gorgeous, and while I rarely talk to them, and don't even study in the same room as them, it makes me happy when I see them.

And with the guys anyway, what is with it with guys picking up girls on the subway. I went on that one date with the guy I met last semester (we still hang out, whatevs) and tonight, I'm pretty sure this other guy would have asked me out or asked me to join if I had shown *any* interest in watching the Celtics game. Sorry dude, finals, and I really don't care. I literally asked, "What game?" We talked for a bit, so yeah. What's up with that?

And oh. dear. God. What is with the crazy porno spam I get in my gmail spambox? I don't even know where the random generators come up with this crap. I know I've gone on this rant before, but still, I highly doubt that increasing "sexuall" desire in women is for the "exercise of the deer." Unfortunately I've just emptied my spambox yesterday or you'd get some extraordinarily great tangent.

I have determined the perfect day will happen once I'm back in Ames. Ask if you want to know what it involves, or want in, but oh yes, there will be.... love.

One final note: I can't wait until "See you tomorrow" doesn't mean, "I'll see you tomorrow because I can only study at the library too. And I have to study if I want to stay in law school. Hence, I'll see you tomorrow."

Cousins need to stop f**king

Well hello world. It's been awhile since we've last met. Not much to report though, but I'll try to make it entertaining.

We had our first test on Thursday. Constitutional law. I wish her good luck in grading them, I really do. Mine should be interesting, I'm pretty sure it'll look like I have multiple personality disorder or something, my handwriting goes from neat printing to cursive and back from sentence to sentence and sometimes even from word to word. And it gets messier as time goes on, obviously. *And* I used some interesting analogies, that's one of the few things I remember, contrary to statements to be made later in this post. I actually used an argument reminiscent of this story in arguing about regulations the government could use to protect genetic diversity. Yeah, I'm going nuts, it's ok, so far it's a fun trip.

Glad to get it out of the way, but it's very odd. I'm not sure that I could really tell you what was on the test, much less what I put down. I have this image in my head of what law exams actually feel like. All the material and reading and classes all spiraling in toward a concentrated point in time, and then the point in time poops you out, dazed and confused, and the spiral starts anew. And at the end there's a very large tub of alcohol. I'll try to illustrate that at some point.

I think I'll try to start a list of things I've learned in law school thus far. They may or may not be useful. We'll see:

How to spell attorney.
How to spell judgment.
Coffee is like beer, it's an acquired taste, and the more you drink it, the more you can tolerate it.
My internal clock is easily adjusted by a simple change in sleep schedule, but one late night and it's hell to pay.

One final note: I can't wait to get back to Ames. I want to be able to play piano. All this just listening to music is kind of killing me. I want to be able to pound out a Mannheim Steamroller or Trans-siberian Orchestra or some other music on the piano and actually feel the music. I miss that. A lot. I didn't know how much until lately.

I also want to learn guitar, but that will take the coercion of one of my summer boys. Tomjack, this means you, if you didn't know, or are actually reading this.